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PostPosted: 03 Sep 2016, 16:59 

Joined: 17 Aug 2016, 20:52
Posts: 350
Location: NJ
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=41404

Reading over the above thread I found myself kicking myself in the ass and now hating my father that much more. Dad and I had a rough relationship growing up, dad was abusive towards everyone in the house. I worked and paid for my own 12' boat and 15 HP outboard when I was pretty young though clamming. The boat was a cheaply built Sears brand and worked well enough for me the first few years. After that a crack started on the starboard side of the hull, it eventually became some 6-8" long.

Being a kid I had no idea where to find an aluminum welder and even how much one would cost, so I tried all sort of store bought epoxy's to fix the crack. Needless to say none of them worked and I eventually sold the boat for $50 to a local guy that just wanted her for rowing around the area.

What pissed me now is, my father never once said let's look into getting it re-welded, he knew I would be willing to pay my own way as I had done so on many other purchases, but even if he didn't think I could pay he could have talked over my options with me.

If a weld would cost in the area of $30 now, 40 years ago it had to be a little less and I could have paid for it with a couple of days worth of clams.

He took pleasure in hurting people, damned if this doesn't fit right in with him.

Thanks for letting me rant. I love dad in my own way, but man, he sucked sometimes.


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PostPosted: 03 Sep 2016, 19:40 
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Joined: 03 Jun 2011, 00:01
Posts: 427
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
As important as this might seem right now, I hope you will eventually take a broader perspective when you remember you dad. Parents, even those whom we remember as self-centered, make tons of sacrifices. Most of those sacrifices go nnoticed and unappreciated. My dad was probably no different than yours, and what I kick myself for now is how much I took for granted; seldom slowing down to say "thank you, I love you".

Staying pissed over something you cannot change won't make you rest easier, but working up a little more grace just might. Now go out a find a kid you can teach to fish or hunt or work on thier tin. That will, too.

Rick



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PostPosted: 03 Sep 2016, 19:47 

Joined: 25 Apr 2008, 16:54
Posts: 2074
Location: North Charleston S.C.
My father was not abusive but he did work us very hard as children. I always thought we were conceived so he would would have someone to help pick, shuck and shell corn which we did by hand. We had 40 acres of field corn to handle every summer not counting the acre or two of crops for our consumption. Once I got to be about 15 we really started to come together and be more on the friendly side. We were really close for about five years and then he died when I was twenty. I miss him and feel we missed the best years together.


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PostPosted: 03 Sep 2016, 20:37 

Joined: 17 Aug 2016, 20:52
Posts: 350
Location: NJ
Guys, thanks. Don't misunderstand me, there are many times when I look back and say, "Dad didn't hit me nearly enough." Also times when I wished I'd said sorry or I love you to him, but you only learn what your taught and it wasn't taught in our house.

However I do have 2 young ones of my own, both girls, yes both of them, but they are daddy's girls and we fish the inside (they love the fight of the little blues), we change the oil in the family cars, cruise the car nights when in town and so forth.

I do look back and say, damn, dad gave up a bunch to have us kids, it was the way he handled his sacrifice that was the problem. Real men don't beat on young ones or hit the wife, you got a problem you talk it out, you educate the kid and move forward from there. If you still feel the need to hit someone go pick on someone your own size and see how that works out for ya.

I appreciate where your coming from, I truly do, dad just doesn't make it easy to forgive.


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PostPosted: 03 Sep 2016, 21:39 

Joined: 01 Jun 2016, 14:11
Posts: 127
Location: Croom, FL
My dad drank and beat me down and my mom too just cause he was a drunk. My dad died 7 years ago and he got into god and said "i never beat u" lol i wish i would of told him how i really felt before he died.

Just wish he could see the pain in my eyes. Maybee i would of been able to forgive him.

Oh well sorry had to vent.


Sent from Mossy Oak Swamp Bottom



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PostPosted: 04 Sep 2016, 08:21 

Joined: 19 Jan 2012, 07:44
Posts: 2926
Location: Northeast Arkansas
Not sure which would be worse, the situations you all experienced, or one like mine. My mom and dad divorced when I was 6 months old. He remarried and had 4 more children while my mom, brother, sister, and I, all lived in the same small town of less than 3K. Mom worked 1 full time job and 2 part time jobs to support us. Dad would give her $25 a month child support, some months. I remember going over to his house a couple of times to spend the night when I was around 4-5 yrs old. But that was the extent of his involvement with us for the rest of his life. He was a local cop for as long as I can remember. Some of my more vivid memories are of him driving by me and my siblings in his patrol car as we walked the 1.5 miles home from school in the rain or snow. We stopped in at a local grocery once because the rain was so hard. I heard years later that all the people in the store that day had a lot of bad things to say about him over that particular incident of not giving us a ride home. As I got older, 22+, I tried to create a relationship with him, but there just wasn't much there. I'm 64 now and he died a few years back. He never gave me or my siblings so much as a card on my birthday or Xmas, and only said happy birthday to me once in my entire life (I was 24), and that was only because his wife said it first. After seeing the way he treated his children from his new wife, I can't say who got the worst of it. But I was fortunate enough to get 25 years with a grandfather that taught me the joys of hunting and fishing, and we spent many days with me learning the art of playing dominos. He died in 79 while I was stationed in Japan. I still miss my "papa" almost every day of my life.

Edit: My mom just turned 90 earlier this month. She's suffering from the memory loss associated with dementia, and I've been her primary care giver for the last several years. My brother has come up to visit every few months to give me a break and my sister just retired and moved back here to help with mom. Some times you get what you give in life, and we love mom.


Last edited by JMichael on 04 Sep 2016, 22:11, edited 1 time in total.


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PostPosted: 04 Sep 2016, 08:43 

Joined: 05 Aug 2011, 23:42
Posts: 271
Beagler; I too, had a boozer for a father, and he wasn't a nice one. It's no fun, as a young teen, to watch your father literally chase two of his daughters out the door in a drunken rage, at different times. Mom finally showed him the door when I was about 15 or 16. It took me a long number of years to finally realize that he did teach me something.
About the time I hit 25, I realized he taught me what kind of a person NOT to be. (I don't drink to this day.)

Roger


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PostPosted: 04 Sep 2016, 14:23 

Joined: 17 Aug 2016, 20:52
Posts: 350
Location: NJ
Thanks for sharing the stories, it's always good to know your not alone. Remember, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

For the man that had a cop for a biological dad, you got the better end IMO, you had a mom that loved you a Grandfather that helped when he could, my bet is your half siblings had it far worse. What a shame how people pick on innocents.

Good day all.


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PostPosted: 04 Sep 2016, 18:43 

Joined: 01 Jun 2016, 14:11
Posts: 127
Location: Croom, FL
GTS225 wrote:
Beagler; I too, had a boozer for a father, and he wasn't a nice one. It's no fun, as a young teen, to watch your father literally chase two of his daughters out the door in a drunken rage, at different times. Mom finally showed him the door when I was about 15 or 16. It took me a long number of years to finally realize that he did teach me something.
About the time I hit 25, I realized he taught me what kind of a person NOT to be. (I don't drink to this day.)

Roger


Yup. I never put my hands on my kids. My dad became paralyzed from the waist down the last 10 years of his life . I believe that was his payback for my beatings. To this day i wont touch own or wear a leather belt.


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